So, a lot of you must be thinking...where did I vanish after having made such a sensational debut on the blogging circuit! :) For those who are not aware yet, I relocated to India at the end of July and its just been one thing after another, thats taken me away from getting back to this space! But...no regrets, 'coz I did not just fill this space just for the heck of it! :) It took me all this while to get back and I thought what best other than to share my closing moments of living in Fairfield, CT - the place where I lived for more than 3 years, the place where I started my married life, the place where I became what I am as a professional today!
In a world where all actions have to be justified by hard logical reasoning, there is little room left for ambivalence or dilemma. This is especially true when it comes to NRIs wanting to return to India. The issue of whether to return has been debated and re-debated for years and very few, if any, have really found a general compelling reason one way or the other. This is because it is an extremely complex topic involving economical, cultural and emotional issues. I had always thought that I wanted to return to India for good, but never knew when would it be....I kept keeping milestones and kept pushing them back, but it was always at the back of my mind! The way it happened, though....was way quicker than I would have ever expected :)
When I moved out first in early 2004, I had encountered the usual roadblocks to adjusting in a world outside the four corners of my home! The emotional adjustment was relatively easier as I got over the initial homesickness and frequent trips back home for a fairly long period never hurt either! However, the cultural adjustment was a much longer one...the gap is far bigger than what most Indians expect before they live in the West. For example, our food habits, topics of conversation, ways of recreation were all quite different. But again, these were all considered the usual hurdles for a first generation emmigrant and therefore never questioned.
Time always seems to fly for everyone, but when living a fast-paced American lifestyle this cliché couldn't be truer. With work, home and more recently, a spouse I lived life king size, spiced up by a Bollywood new release, every Friday, shopping on all mega sale events and exploring new cuisines every weekend...life was fun. And before I knew it, I had already lived outside of India for 6 years..most of those being in the US. But I think for almost all that time, I nurtured a desire to be able to return one day. This was kept close to my heart initially, and later voiced pretty openly too! Though, whenever I disclosed this to others I ended up getting really confused. What is the rationale behind this, some would ask. Is it to renew family ties or have children and bring them up in an Indian culture? Is it some vague longing for a past that was left long behind? Or worse, is it some far fetched ambition to serve your country and make a positive change? The very idea was often ridiculed. Horror stories of people suffering after moving back were told as proof of this fallacy. My own cousin having returned to India and then gone back within a short period of 12 months, did not help my cause! Then there were others like me, who were more ambivalent. Our hearts longed to return but we hadn't figured out how. Some of us planned to work for a few more years and then decide - maybe after getting to a higher career level; maybe after some more savings; maybe after having kids. It was popularly known as the 'X+1 syndrome'. (When an Indian professional becomes a 'Non-Resident Indian', he soon starts suffering from a strange disease. The symptoms are a fixture of restlessness, anxiety, hope and nostalgia. The virus is a deep inner need to get back home. Like Shakespeare said, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." The medical world has not coined a word for this malady. Strange as it is, it could go by a stranger name, the "X + 1" syndrome. To explain, if 'X' is the current year, then the objective is to return back to India in the 'X + 1' year. Since 'X' is a changing variable, the objective is never reached)
The desire to return seemed to grow stronger everyday. It seemed to grow in some irrational corner of my mind which I knew could never be touched by reason - though I had created a new argument to justify my case. I used to say...."Its all about prioritization. If your career/professional life as well as a comfortable lifestyle is a priority, the US was the place to stay; however, if social life/family and friends as well as living in a country that you belong to as a 'first class citizen' was a priority, then Go India!" Most people agreed with it and believed it to be something that made sense. But within myself, I didnt know 100% which category did I fall in, though I was always heavily inclined to the latter, but the frills of the former attracted me nevertheless!
I thought, the only way to deal with all of this, is to experience it. And therefore, I had expressed my desire to return back to India with GE to my manager and finally after a long time, I could even see the opportunity. GE was setting up a M&A team in India and it was the perfect opportunity for me to join in! My offer for the new role came on July 2, and I was supposed to join August 1... wow, after having wanted to return for more than 4 years, I had just 4 weeks to pack and actually relocate! Those 4 weeks were a lot of fun in my life - I could actually see for the first time, how people felt they were gonna miss me.... after all relationships had been formed over years - I began to realize, I did have a good social circle in the US too! But anyways, the joy of coming back was above everything else! Having endured the 'X+1' syndrome for years, I felt almost shocked to have to move back so suddenly. On one hand I felt like sitting back and contemplating on the huge change that was about to happen. And on the other, I had almost an endless list of things to do - closing bank accounts, shopping clothes for the foreseeable future (I almost could not think of wearing anything outside of the brands that I used to wear), making travel arrangements, and completing all remaining projects at work. And last but not the least, attending the few farewells...was leaving some of those people behind who had become my 'new family', spending time with them on all weekends and going out for vacations and long dinners during the week - I suddenly began to feel, it wasn't as easy to just pack and go as I had always thought of it, to be! One of the friends coming over to see us off at the airport has probably been one of the more emotional moments in my recent life!:(
The people who came to know about it - both at work and outside had a wide range of reactions - from sadness that we were leaving to rejoicing in the fact that we were returning to India. Some of them mentioned that I was really lucky and given a similar opportunity they would do the same. But without exception they all asked the big question, WHY. Our grocery store keeper asked my wife, "Have your visa's expired and your company is not renewing them??" (I thought to myself, would that be the only reason she could think for someone to go back to India???)
I was in a big dilemma. Although it seemed so simple, because this is what I always wanted, it didn't seem so obvious any more. So I wondered - what if I said I had no hard reasons? What if I said that I was returning to a place where I felt I belonged? What if I said that I was following my heart? Would that be too vague?
Finally, I decided to dodge the question. I told them, "I have family there and I don't have to compromise on my career either. I followed my career when I moved here and am still doing the same with the new M&A set up in India being a unique opportunity". They all nodded as if it made great sense to them. It was the most rational reason I could come up with. I felt it was best to avoid any debates at this stage. Besides, I knew no hard reasons existed.
I thought, "may be I'll figure it out one day after settling down in India".
